Wanting to Meet Women is Fine, Actually.

The modern mind has developed a strange allergy to biology. Somewhere along the line we decided that the most ancient impulse in every living creature (the urge to find a mate) was suspicious if anyone admitted to it out loud.

Let’s not pretend we’re ghostly beings of pure intellect floating above the animal kingdom. We’re primates. The only reason there are eight billion of us is because billions of years of evolution hammered “find somebody attractive” into the hardware. The remarkable thing isn’t that men and women notice each other. The remarkable thing is that we’ve built an entire civilization around doing it politely.

Every other species settles the question with antlers, claws, pheromones, or brute force. Humans invented conversation, deodorant, coffee dates, awkward small talk, and the revolutionary concept of consent. That’s civilization. You ask. They say yes or no. You accept the answer and move on.

If a guy is respectful, takes “no” for an answer, and isn’t stalking, harassing, or acting like a lunatic, what exactly is the crime? Existing while male? Having functioning hormones? Deciding he’d like to meet someone?

The idea that showing up somewhere hoping to meet women is inherently sinister requires pretending that romance is supposed to happen by clerical error. As though every happy couple on Earth materialized because two people accidentally collided while discussing municipal zoning regulations.

I can’t believe I’m a woman and I have to explain this.

I spent most of the years when I was biologically capable of having children dating other women. Looking back, not having children during that part of my life is the biggest regret I carry. For me, it was the worst mistake of my life.

I also think there’s something profoundly sad about treating our own biology like an embarrassing defect. I know from experience that biology doesn’t simply disappear because we ignore it. Sometimes it catches up with us years later. It certainly did with me.

I suspect there are going to be more people (women especially) who wake up one day realizing that the years when starting a family was easiest have quietly slipped away. Some won’t regret that, and that’s perfectly fine. Others will. That’s a genuine tragedy, and I don’t think we’re doing anyone any favors by pretending it never happens.

We’ve spent thousands of years dragging ourselves out of the jungle. Maybe we should appreciate the fact that most people now approach reproduction with words instead of teeth.

By all means, reject whoever you like. Nobody owes anybody a date. Consent is non-negotiable. But treating ordinary romantic interest as moral contamination is a bizarre social experiment that seems designed to make everyone lonely, anxious, and suspicious of one another.

Sometimes a stranger thinks you’re attractive. That’s not an attack. It’s a compliment until they prove otherwise. If the answer is no, then “No thanks” is one of civilization’s greatest inventions. It works remarkably well.

We’ve spent thousands of years dragging ourselves out of the jungle. Maybe we should appreciate the fact that most people now approach reproduction with words instead of teeth.